harlii.ol.day

I think about you constantly. I wonder what life would be like if you were still here. I imagine all of the things you'd say. I imagine all of the different adventures we would have gone on. I wonder who I would be if you were here. I wonder what we would all be like. I think about all of the different ways things would've turned out with you in our lives. I miss you all the time. I miss you so much that my heart hurts. My heart literally clenches tightly when I think of you, as though it's trying to hold itself together while my thoughts try and tear it apart. Time is supposed to heal all wounds but, it seems as though time just provided me with a band-aid that gets old and falls off more often than not. I know you'd hate it, but I still cry for you. I still sit up at night and wish that you were here. I still talk to you and ask you for advice. I can't help but want you here. Life has moved on but my heart and emotions haven't. I can't move on....

I’ve been through my share of ups and downs, but nothing quite compares to the turmoil of a toxic relationship. It’s the kind of experience that carves itself into your memory—anger, frustration, shouting, and the deafening noise of arguments where, halfway through, you forget what you’re even fighting for. It’s chaotic, a mess of emotions tangled in envy, jealousy, and gaslighting, with control at the center. There’s no real peace in it—only fleeting moments of calm between storms. When you’re caught in the whirlwind of a toxic relationship, it feels like you’re constantly tiptoeing around shattered glass, avoiding another explosion. You begin to question your reality, constantly walking on eggshells, never sure if the love you thought you had is real or just another manipulation. Gaslighting becomes a language, and you start to doubt your own truth as your world warps into something almost unrecognizable. I’ve felt the sting of envy pierce through conversations and the weight of jeal...