Strength like armor.

Saying your name brings tears to my eyes because I miss you so much. I never really got the chance to say thank you for everything—the sacrifices, the love, the strength you showed, even when things were falling apart. You always tried your best to give us everything, even when it wasn’t easy, and though your love was tough at times, I now understand how deeply it ran. I cherish the moments when I caught glimpses of your soft side, and I know Kuya Nikki saw it too. You were always so supportive of us, not with big gestures, but with small, strong acts that carried so much love. We felt that love, even when it was hard to express.

I love you, Lolo, and I’m sorry that I had to move out to start my own life, leaving you behind. It breaks my heart that I left you alone, but I’m still so grateful that I was by your side in the hospital, even if just for a while, to help take care of you when you needed it most.

I witnessed a man who was once so strong, raising four daughters, slowly become weakened by cancer and diabetes. You fought so hard, Lolo, but you never wanted us to see your pain. You wore that strength like armor, right up until the very end. But we saw it—your struggle, your courage—and it’s something I will carry with me always. You may not be here physically, but you will always live in my heart.

You showed your love in such an old-school way, and as a child, I didn’t always understand it. Back then, I didn’t see the quiet ways you cared for us, the subtle gestures that spoke of a love so deep it didn’t need words. But looking back now, I realize how much you truly loved me and Kuya. I wish I could have told you that while you were still here.

It’s hard to write this without crying because I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. We often talk about Lola, maybe because there are more pictures of her, but you’re always in my heart too. I am so grateful to be your apo, to have been raised by someone as strong and loving as you.

I remember how you were always there for me, even in the smallest ways. You were the one who took me to and picked me up from my prom, making sure I was safe. Every time I had practice, you made sure I had baon, and there was always lunch and dinner waiting for me. You really took care of me, Lolo, in ways I didn’t fully appreciate back then. But now, as I look back, I see it all so clearly.

I love you, Lolo. I miss you so much. Thank you for everything—for being there when I needed you, for showing me love even when I didn’t understand it, and for raising me with so much care. You will always be a part of me, and I will carry your memory in my heart forever.